Ep #75 – Rekindle Your Light: Redefining Success and Breaking Cultural Expectations with Paulette Erato

[00:00] Paulette: Buen día, mi gente, and welcome to La Vida Más Chévere de Childfree Latinas, the only Spanglish podcast for childfree Latinas y Latines, helping us liberate ourselves from the toxic cultural brainwashing we all grew up with so that we can design our best lives instead. I’m your host and resident childfree Latina, Paulette Erato.

[00:24] Hello, friends. Remember the episode a few back about human design with my friend Ydaiber Orozco? Well, not too long after that, I was on her show, and that’s the episode you’re going to hear today. Why? Because La Vida Más Chévere, as you know it, is on hiatus, probably till the end of the year. I might release some mini episodes and maybe some re-releases from here on out.

[00:50] Why? Because even though it’s the tail end of Hispanic Heritage Month, we’ve extended the celebration with the Latinas In Podcasting Virtual Summit. And Ydaiber is one of our speakers. It’s free, so come hang out if you have any interest whatsoever in having a podcast. You can even upgrade by purchasing the replay pass or even the VIP experience, which gets you a ton more bonuses, plus some extra masterclasses.

[01:17] One of them is on not letting your fears get in your way, which doesn’t only apply to podcasting. The link is in the show notes. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this episode.

[01:28] Ydaiber: Ever wondered what it truly means to live life on your own terms? In this thought provoking season 3 finale, we sit down with Paulette Erato, the unapologetic voice behind La Vida Más Chévere de Childfree Latinas.

[01:41] Paulette doesn’t just challenge the status quo, she redefines it. From rejecting cultural pressures to have children, to embracing the freedom that comes with making unconventional choices. This conversation dives deep into what it means to break free from society’s expectations and design a life that’s bold, authentic and entirely your own. If you’re ready to question everything you’ve been told about success, happiness, and fulfillment, this is the episode you don’t want to miss.

[02:08] Hey there, welcome to Rekindle Your Light. I’m Ydaiber Orozco, your host on this journey of rediscovering hope and resilience.

[02:16] Each week, we talk about reigniting that inner spark that never really fades. And we don’t just stop at inspiration. We actually unpack practical tools. As a soul purpose coach, actor, human design reader, and emotion code practitioner, I am your go to for heartfelt conversations. Let this podcast be that gentle nudge, encouraging you to step towards your goals and dreams.

[02:40] Now, open your heart and let your soul listen. This is Rekindle Your Light. Are you feeling lost or stuck lately? Wondering what your next step should be amidst all this doubt and confusion. Maybe you’re searching for that elusive sense of purpose, but you just can’t seem to find it. Well, guess what?

[02:59] I’m right here for you. Think of me as your straightforward, kind hearted friend who’s ready to help you figure things out. Together, we’ll tailor a plan that fits you perfectly, using all the tools I’ve got. It’s time to take action. Head over to rekindleyourlife. com and book your free session. Ready? Let’s do this.

[03:18] Today I’m with a very, very, very special friend who I got to meet a few months ago at an event at the Podcast Movement event, my first podcasting convention, if you will. And she was just such a light and guide for me during that time because I was so lost. I’m like, Oh my God, this is overwhelming.

[03:37] So it was so lovely to meet you and then realize that we have so many things in common. So can you please go ahead and introduce yourself and tell us who you are, where you’re at and what you do?

[03:47] Paulette: Sure. Hi, and thanks for having me, Ydaiber. I’m Paulette Erato. I am the host and creator of La Vida Más Chévere de Childfree Latinas, which is in Spanish, but it’s a Spanglish show about designing your best life.

[03:59] That is what La Vida Más Chévere means. It is the most authentic, best, attractive life for you, from the childfree Latina perspective. So I’m born and raised in Los Angeles. I lived in Puerto Rico for a short time because I am half Puerto Rican and half Mexican, Mexican on my mother’s side, Puerto Rican on my father’s.

[04:16] And so it’s about looking at all of the ways that our culture, and for a lot of us, we straddle multiple cultures being Latinos in the U. S. and appreciating the beauty of it. But also deconstructing all of the toxicity within it, because there’s a lot we’ve been brainwashed about. I am here to help you unlearn the toxic cultural brainwashing that we’ve all been subjected to, all of us.

[04:44] Ydaiber: Yes.

[04:45] Paulette: And when you’re ready, you will also start to disconnect from the more toxic parts. And it leaves you space to better appreciate the rest of it.

[04:54] Ydaiber: So, let’s talk a little bit about that concept in particular of the childfree Latina. Because I think in general, right, there is a very, uh, there’s an expectation of what we are supposed to be by a certain age, and in the Latino community specifically, children, are a big part of it.

[05:15] Tell me about that choice of not only your personal choice of not having children but also talking about that topic in particular.

[05:24] Paulette: Yeah. So what’s interesting is that I never felt like I made a choice. I feel like I was just born this way. The way that I have been very lucky and very privileged is that I was not the first one in my family to be this way.

[05:38] So, that gives credence to my argument that it’s biological because I have cousins on both sides of the family from generations before mine that are also childfree. They didn’t have kids or they didn’t want kids for whatever reason. Their reasons are personal to them. And we’re talking about people who grew up in my parents and their, and their parents generations who didn’t conform for whatever reason.

[06:02] I don’t know if they could or couldn’t have kids. In the end, they didn’t and still led what looked like very happy, productive lives for themselves. So I just was cut from the same cloth. And has it made my life easier in certain ways? Yeah. Yeah. Like I was saying, I lived in Puerto Rico. My husband and I planned for that for two years and then moved in the middle of October, which would have been in the middle of a school year if we had children.

[06:29] And then when we realized it wasn’t working three months later, we moved back and that was in January. Again, the middle of the school year, but these weren’t concerns that we had, right? Because there was no children to keep pulling out of school, keep yanking around and messing with their development. So being childfree has been fantastic. And what I’ve seen online is that there’s this real pushback against it. And I feel that in the space that we’re living in these days with wars and climate change and all of these extra layers of worry, there is still this pushback against women having the ability to make their own decisions about their own bodies, especially in this country.

[07:09] And more women are recognizing this thing I’ve been fed? Is B. S. Like, this is not a guaranteed life of happiness. In fact, it’s more shackles, probably, for me. So, I just stand here as an example of one way to live a life outside of the social norms. And the guests that I bring on are other shining examples of ways to live an unconventional life.

[07:34] In, in most cases, that’s without children, but not always. Some people on my show have had kids. And, uh, just give people options, examples of in media, which we don’t get. Because one of the driving things for me is that a lot about what our culture says around childfree people, not explicitly, but a lot of the messages we receive are that there is something wrong with childfree people.

[08:00] Think about Disney movies, which cater to children, the youngest people consuming media. The villain is most often not a parent. It’s a step parent. So not necessarily a biological parent, or it’s like the uncle. If we think about Scar in the Lion King, if we think about Ursula, the sea witch in the Little Mermaid.

[08:22] Ydaiber: Oh my goodness. I never, ever, ever thought about that this way.

[08:26] Paulette: Yeah. So the messages start really early that if you don’t have kids, you’re done fucked up, and you’re gonna be fucked up, and you’re gonna be a malevolent person, and ay yi yi, like that’s a lot. So after 46 years on the planet, I’m saying I’m done with that.

[08:42] Ydaiber: Yes. You know, this is resonating so much for me, obviously, because for me it was a very, very clear choice. I did not have an example growing up. Everybody in my family, all my tías, all my cousins, everybody have kids. All my classmates. I don’t think there’s anybody that I know of from my high school that don’t have kids.

[09:02] I don’t think so. I think I might be the only one, at least women, in my classroom. So, my example was always surrounded by people with kids. And I just, I just never felt the mother instincts or whatever you want to call it, right? I just, I just never had that. I think I mother in different ways. I mother friends, I mother relationships, I mother my dogs, I mother my nieces, I mother in other ways.

[09:27] My projects definitely, you know, I, I give birth to my projects. And that’s something that is really, really exciting for me. But also, you know, you use the word unconventional, but I think that in general, that’s a word that defines you. Like when I look at your, it’s not just not having kids that makes you unconventional.

[09:47] I noticed that there’s definitely a thread of rebelliousness, in your life. And I would like to explore that theme a little bit more because you are definitely someone who is multi passionate and multi faceted. So what have been your choices as far as like work and things that you choose to do with your life?

[10:07] Tell us more about that.

[10:08] Paulette: Oh, man.

[10:09] Ydaiber: So

[10:09] Paulette: Yeah, I guess so. You know, what’s funny is as you were saying that I was thinking back to my childhood and how I never really chose the popular things things. Like in fashion, let’s say. Remember in the 90s when those little booties became really popular? Everybody was wearing these black leather booties that were like Western wear but cut off at the ankles.

[10:30] Ydaiber: Oh, probably didn’t have that in Venezuela. I don’t remember. Okay. Okay. Okay.

[10:34] Paulette: Yeah. No, this is an, this, this is an American thing for sure. It may just be a California thing. I don’t know. And ponchos were really big in the 90s. Anyway. Oh, really? This is just one tiny little example of, that we can, we’ll grow from here.

[10:46] But this tiny little example, I was like 13, I was in junior high, and everybody was wearing these shoes. And I was like, those are cool, but what if I didn’t get them in leather? What if I’m just a little different and I got them in suede, which isn’t the most practical thing to wear. But then, you know, fast forward a couple of years and we’re all wearing Doc Martens.

[11:06] And I’m like, I don’t want the regular leather Doc Martens. I want the suede y, greasy leather Doc Martens. And it’s just, again, it’s shoes. But what that made me realize is that I’m very skeptical of things that are popular. And why are they popular? So there’s kind of this, this like curiosity about people and why we like the things we like. And how we find out that we like these things because we’re being marketed to.

[11:33] Ydaiber: So

[11:33] Paulette: we’re being kind of manipulated. And then in college, I, you know, in high school, I was whatever. I, I did not really care for like history and things like that. And then I go to college and end up majoring in it. Because suddenly it was being taught to me a different way. It was a story. I was being told stories that then brought all of this ancient information to life.

[11:56] And that was radical for me. That’s when storytelling really started to become something I wanted to do, a way I wanted to communicate. And if you look back at our own histories, it was a long time before people learned to actually read, were allowed to learn to read, women were allowed to read. But we always had stories because we have oral traditions, and this is still a part of our, our culture as Latinos.

[12:22] And it’s an important part of the culture because it’s also devalued by a lot of Western societies. Because if it isn’t written down, it isn’t important. So storytelling just kind of became this, this way to get the message out. And I saw how, again, it was the way I was being marketed. Like all of a sudden history was exciting and I’m going to pay for this history degree that I have never used specifically for history. But the things that college teaches you, those other soft skills, the other bonus skills you pick up in, in that kind of rigorous environment, have helped me be successful in the careers I had after.

[13:00] I was a professional photographer. I was an event planner for many, many, many years. Like that was my career. And the ability to converse with different levels of management, different clients with massive expectations and tiny budgets, and still be diplomatic and get them on your side and get them to understand their limitations without feeling small.

[13:21] That is a real skill. Right. And that started in college. And I mean, is that conventional? Is that unconventional? I think I’m just adaptive. I, I have learned to adapt to my environment and make it work for me. Again, just a skill. It’s something anyone can learn. And the older I get, the less I realize I’m special and I just picked up skills along the way.

[13:47] It’s just, and that might seem unique to other people. Because we feel bogged down by all of these other responsibilities and expectations, but how often are you looking at your life and saying, Does that really matter to me? Or am I making it matter because I’ve been sold, I’ve been marketed to in a specific way where it’s like, if I actually really examined what I do and what I consume and who I am, am I happy?

[14:15] And I ask myself that question constantly. I have, sometimes that question is asked to me by the mirror when I’m not feeling well. And I just, like I was telling you before we started recording, I had another little incident recently where I have an immune disorder. I am limited in how much stress my body can take before it breaks.

[14:34] Like, I, I need to hit a reset button. And that’s really disruptive to my life. It disrupts my entire routine. It disrupts my husband’s routine because we’re in this together. So I have to be very careful about how far, not outside of my comfort zone I push myself, but how far into stress I push myself. And so I have learned to adapt and I take it all the way back to when I was young and I was skeptical of things that were popular because if the popular thing isn’t working for me, if the life script that I’ve been sold isn’t working for me, then my skepticism around it and my cynicism even sometimes is healthy. And it makes me look at things from a different perspective.

[15:18] Ydaiber: Yeah. And you know, I love everything that you’re saying. Right. And when it comes to that, Challenging the status quo, right? I think I have been like that my entire life as well, like going against the grain, like asking the questions and being sometimes a little bit polarizing. Yeah. And, um, Not conforming.

[15:38] Not because everybody’s doing it and I want to do it. And I think nowadays is so fed to us with social media, right? Like if we just go by that, it’s like, Oh, I should be doing this. I should be at this place. I should be blah, blah, blah. All these shoulds and things that don’t necessarily feel aligned and good for ourselves.

[15:57] So the fact that we, in our forties, are finally able, or at least I say finally because for me it took me a long time to discern and choose the things that I really wanted to do because I wanted them and not because somebody was telling me to do them. I’m so grateful that I finally got to that point of being like, no, I don’t need to do that to prove anything to anybody.

[16:19] And I think I see you doing the same thing. And I work in the, as you know, the event management business as well. So I know what that looks like and that the part of us that needed to be very business and at the same time real, but with empathy, I would say. That’s what I love. Empathy had to come through because it’s like.

[16:42] Yeah, you can’t feed 2, 000 people without budget, but we’ll make something happen, right?

[16:47] Paulette: You can’t feed them steak, but maybe you can feed them airline chicken.

[16:52] Ydaiber: Exactly, exactly. So all of those variables that have become so handy in everything that we do. Because when I also look back at my own careers, which have been very diverse as well, and always with a creative and curiosity underlying to it.

[17:08] Like, if I look at it, there’s definitely those consistent elements that have been present in everything that I’ve done. But when I look back, I say, Oh, yeah, this, I have this now because I was able to go through that or. So it’s like going always back and, and pondering and realizing the skills that you gain and how they come so helpful and how everything almost was meant to be that way so that we could be where we’re at right now.

[17:33] And even handling. you know, you have an autoimmune disease. I have an autoimmune disease. So it’s like now understanding that those skills come handy as well in some way or another. Speaking and speech and you and I spoke about that in your podcast where we were talking about the things that we have in common through human design and realizing that it is actually part of our purpose.

[17:56] That is actually part of our design to be exploring these themes and these conversations and challenging people to think, not differently. But at least to spark an idea in them and be like, ah, okay, this is different, but it’s interesting. And kind of going back to, to the first topic about not having kids or having kids and how personal it’s that for everybody.

[18:21] I have found several people lately who have kids, who have actually admitted like, I wonder what my life would have been if I didn’t do this. I love my kids. Adore them, would do anything for them, but I wonder what my life would have been like. And you know, sometimes I ask myself, like, oh, I wonder what my life would have been if I chose to do this.

[18:42] Oh, that would have looked so, so different in many ways. Definitely wouldn’t have moved so many times to so many different places. That’s one part. But you know, same thing that you said is like, we can pack and go any day because we don’t have to worry about that. And I love that freedom because freedom, it’s one of the most important values for me.

[19:00] Paulette: Yes.

[19:01] Ydaiber: And being aligned with that part of our values is so, so important.

[19:05] Paulette: I think it’s also important to point out that I am not contrarian for the sake of being contrarian. Which is also an approach to life. I am confident in who I am, and if that is contrarian to the larger landscape, then so be it. I have the confidence to stand in that.

[19:25] I worked towards that. That didn’t happen overnight. But also, it’s a philosophy that opens opportunities as opposed to forces, you know, us to act a certain way. And I think that that’s a very important distinction and nuance that the audience might appreciate, that I don’t exist to just be the opposite, the polar opposite of what’s popular.

[19:46] I like popular things too. I stand in my space, so to speak, and in my voice and in my power, however you want to say that, because of the life experiences I have had, I can now see through certain things that I’m being sold as better for me. And I’m like, no, that isn’t true. So while in some respects, I am contrarian, I am questioning the status quo.

[20:13] What I want people to question is whether or not these lifestyles that have been, that are options are right for you. That’s all. And so it’s about opportunities to explore as opposed to a didactic lifestyle, where I’m going to tell you this is exactly how it needs to be. Cause it’s, I can’t tell you that. I can only tell you how it is for me.

[20:34] Ydaiber: Right, right. Same, same. I think I always come from that place of this is what my experience has been and it might work for you, might not work for you. But giving myself this space and the freedom to share it as I wish without worrying so much about the judgment on the other side. The judgment is going to happen regardless.

[20:54] Paulette: That’s the key. It’s, it’s the judgment. And you know, sometimes it’s still hard. It’s sometimes still hard, but with each new experience, it becomes a little bit easier to let that go.

[21:06] Ydaiber: Because you’re going to be judged regardless, but the people that are done, so it’s like, so might as well do it. I mean, that’s the way that I see it.

[21:13] Now, I know there’s a very important element in the way that you live your life that has to do with the people that you surround yourself with. Tell me about it.

[21:23] Paulette: Oh yeah, especially now as I’m going, like I’m coming back out of a health crisis. I don’t need negativity around me. There are people in my life that, I have tried to design a life.

[21:33] My vida mas chevere, my life at its best is filled with people who are supportive, who are collaborative, who we all believe that a rising tide raises all boats. And that is hard because jealousy is a natural human emotion, envy, all of those things. But I look for the rah rah girls in my life, like, and by girls, I mean everyone,

[21:56] Ydaiber: but

[21:56] Paulette: you know, the cheerleaders, like the hype squad.

[21:59] And it’s not about having yes men, it’s about having people who are empathetic when they have to criticize. But also supportive of your dreams. And instead of, because it’s very easy to be critical, it’s very easy to look at someone else’s life and point out where they did, made bad decisions or they did the wrong thing, but that’s not helpful.

[22:18] Unless there’s a lesson that comes out of it. You know, and this is why the approach in like corporate management works. It’s like when you offer advice or criticism to an employee, that, uh, sandwich, the criticism sandwich or the compliment sandwich. I mean, those, those can be kind of forced, but it’s how the message is delivered is important.

[22:41] And the people in my life have emotional intelligence. I don’t put up with a lot of BS. I don’t put up with people who are negative. I don’t put up with women, especially who, who just want to claw others down. Like there’s no Regina, what’s her name, from Mean Girls. Yeah, I know who you’re talking about.

[22:58] There’s no Cressida Cowper from Bridgerton in my life because I don’t need that energy around me. That is repellent. It’s going to repel me.

[23:07] Ydaiber: But have you had it though? Have you had it in the past?

[23:10] Paulette: You know what, I might have been one. And for anyone that I hurt in that phase of life, I am very sorry that I was that person in your life story.

[23:18] And I hope that we have all grown and that I can offer my apologies. And I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s just, I just learned from these experiences who I do and don’t want to be and who I do and don’t want to be around. And people’s energy has become much more clear to me as I get older, because again, life experience just, it starts removing a lot of those layers of grime from the rose colored glasses we wear on this planet.

[23:44] And I’ve dismantled a lot of the layers, the foundation that were rocky that, you know, that it’s basically, it’s like, I want a solid foundation of this life so I can continue to build a strong structure. But if that foundation is based in lies and half truths and things that don’t work for me, and that includes people, that includes beliefs, that includes a lot of things, then it’s not doing me any good.

[24:10] The slightest breeze is going to knock down this life I’ve built. This, this home I’ve built on top of this foundation. We’re going continue that metaphor. So, you know, it’s, it’s for example, I’ve had doctors that did not take my concerns seriously. Those doctors were, by and large, in my experience, and this is just my experience, older white men.

[24:35] The moment I started talking to doctors who were women, who were a little younger, maybe who were even Latina, the conversation changed and my ability to advocate for myself also changed because someone finally fucking believed me. Just the other day, I was having an allergic reaction to a medication a doctor prescribed, and they would not have known.

[24:55] I was not, I would not have known that this was going to happen. But I went right back, got a different doctor because this is urgent care. I can’t see my doctor for like six months because that’s just our health care system right now. And she was so open to listening to what was happening in my body.

[25:11] And it just like the mental load of having to explain that again and someone being receptive and being like, okay, tell me more was such a different conversation than just the guy checking things off and not really listening. Cause they’ve got to go see 12 more minutes. And, and, you know, it was a scary situation, they’re like, do you want your husband to come back?

[25:36] And they fast tracked me, you know, when you have a reaction to medication, they take those things seriously. I didn’t, I didn’t realize that I freaked out a little bit. And I think that she was also, you know, this person had an amazing bedside manner. I, Is she like that in real life? Is she like that at home with her family?

[25:53] I don’t know. She was like that for me in a moment where I needed her, where I was in distress. And that energy is what I try to offer people who come to me in those moments, who look at me as an example. I want to give you space to feel heard. And I didn’t realize when I was younger what a precious gift that is. To just be allowed to be yourself and let your fears out.

[26:20] And for someone else to say, I hear you. Here’s what we can do next, or what would you like to do next? I mean, sometimes it’s your own responsibility, but the relief I felt because she just listened I don’t want to say divine in terms of like godly, but really it just completely shifted my inner orientation.

[26:46] And I went from being scared and spiraling out, to feeling hopeful.

[26:50] Ydaiber: Yeah, because it’s so rare, right? Unfortunately. And I have encountered the same situation that you were explaining with doctors and have to move from one doctor to the next, to the next, to the next. To the point where I pretty much had to like go outside of the system and pay a functional doctor and a health coach so they can work with me.

[27:10] And the things that we have found because they have gone the extra mile, they have said. This response is not enough, right? Telling you this is normal, it’s not enough. Normalizing our symptoms is not enough. And I think we are the best advocates for ourselves, so I’m so glad that you’re sharing your story, because I think this is another theme that we weren’t planning to go into, but it’s such a good, it’s such a good story.

[27:33] It’s such a good reminder for those people because I do have a lot of people in my community who are struggling with their own symptoms and a lot of people like me who started experiencing symptoms after COVID or after the vaccine and it’s like all these random autoimmune diseases that are coming from everywhere also because of what we eat, because of what we do, because of how we rest, because we’re constantly in the hamster wheel that we spoke about.

[27:57] Right. And it takes a team. So the team is not just your, you you’re, you know, when you extend your hand, that team that you have right there. But it’s also the team at your job, the team in your family, the team medically. Everything is correlated, kind of like the same thing we were talking about the values, right?

[28:14] It’s like you keep your values and express them in everything that you do. You can separate like, well, when I’m home, I’m this thing. And then when I’m at work, it’s that thing. And I think, you know, I did that in my twenties for sure. Like I was two different people and people couldn’t, you know, they couldn’t get the full version of me because I was like, I know that I can’t be this loud or this fun, or because it could be perceived as unprofessional at the workplace.

[28:42] Paulette: That’s such a big one that we carry, especially as Latinas. Because, you know, What professionalism is, is dictated by people outside of our culture. And it’s another toxic idea. And there’s a great podcast around that called Quien Tu Eres. And it’s about redefining professionalism, you know, because like the hair growing out of your head is not unprofessional in the way that it comes out of your head.

[29:09] Like, you know, even like just the simple things like that. And he has great conversations, Pabel, I believe it’s Pabel Martinez, that you know, really blow the lid off these ideas that we’ve internalized. Again, these toxic narratives we’ve internalized about the way we’re supposed to act. And the way that we’re supposed to present in this world.

[29:30] And fuck, that is tiring. I’m tired of presenting a facade. And so I don’t.

[29:37] Ydaiber: Yeah. One time I was told by a coworker that I was too Venezuelan.

[29:45] Paulette: Oh my God.

[29:46] Ydaiber: And I’m like, I don’t even know what that means. Right, and this is in my 20s when I was working as an assistant manager for a hotel. And he’s like, you’re just too rough around the edges.

[29:57] You’re too Venezuelan. And I’m like, I have no idea what that means, but I internalized that, right? I took that and I’m like, maybe it’s my hair, right? I was wearing my hair curly at the time. I’m like, maybe it’s my hair, maybe it’s my makeup, maybe it’s my accent, maybe.

[30:11] Paulette: Notice how this one comment is setting you down a spiral of all these things that are wrong with you. When if that message had been delivered slightly different, if it had been focused on how you are at work and not any of these other things that define who you are, you wouldn’t have gone on the spiral. And you would have worked on the skills and things you can change.

[30:34] You can’t change being Venezuelan. Like, and that is not something you should ever have to question or be ashamed of. But you can change how you approach customers, maybe some customer service training. You know, and, and that’s something that is within your supervisor, director, whoever it was telling you this, in their ability to give you.

[30:54] Ydaiber: Yeah, I mean, we’re talking about this happened 25 years and I still remember it.

[30:59] Paulette: Yeah, of course you do.

[31:00] Ydaiber: You know, it’s like, what, why am I even talking about this? It’s like, Oh my God, it’s definitely something was, something was triggered there when you were talking. Wow.

[31:11] Paulette: And I think that, you know, that’s not an, unfortunately, it’s not an uncommon experience, especially for young women.

[31:18] And as I’m saying this, I’m thinking of my niece who’s coming over for lunch in a little bit. She just graduated from college. She has a job in a white collar corporate world. She’s making more money than I ever made in my life as an adult at her starting job, which is fantastic for her. I’m so proud of her.

[31:34] Again, a rising tide lifts all boats. So I’m here to, um, champion her. She is now going out into the corporate world with none of this knowledge. And I’m thinking of how, how I can get ahead. This isn’t my kid, by the way, right? This is not my kid. This is my brother’s kid. It’s my half brother at that, not that distinction means anything.

[31:57] I’m trying to explain for the audience how, like, as a childfree woman, I am so deeply invested in this child’s success. She’s not a child. She’s a grown woman. Her success that I sit here and think about how I can explain these experiences she’s going to have. And what lessons will come from them so that she doesn’t start questioning her identity or her personality or all these other things and instead works on the skills that she can to become a better person.

[32:25] And that goes for her and all of her friends and everyone in her generation.

[32:29] Ydaiber: Yeah, yeah, we want to protect them so bad. Because I have the same thing with my niece, right? And my niece so far, she’s, she’s in South Carolina and she just started working recently. She just started college recently, so she’s like doing both.

[32:43] She’s going to art school while she’s having a job and it’s so hard to coach her from here. I’m like, oh my goodness, we want to protect them. And at the end of the day, you know, it’s such a personal experience because even with all the advice we can give them, they’re going to come through these roadblocks and some of these things have changed. You know, and I think that the environment is probably not as bad as it used to be.

[33:07] Just based on what I’ve seen recently in even applying to jobs and seeing what the culture is like, I’m like, oh, this is different. Oh my God, I wish I had this when I was working my ass off in the industry, right? Like, work balance. Like, what? That, that was not, that was, no, you didn’t even talk about it. It was expected that you would enslave yourself in these careers.

[33:29] Paulette: Yeah, I, I do. I am proud of the fact that millennials and Gen Z are really changing that conversation for the better. And I’m hoping that as the boomers die off and the Gen X start moving out of the workplace, these more toxic ideas about what corporate culture or success looks like die with them. Because they’re not helping us.

[33:54] I mean, it has been proven through the forty some odd years since that trickle down economics doesn’t work. Capitalism is not healthy because we’re now at the tail end of overconsumption. And for what? Like, we’re killing the planet. This very place that we live on, we’re just continuing to damage it in the quest for consumption, that gets us what at the end? Like, at the end of that life cycle, then what? More money? There’s only so much money that is going to make you happy and make your life livable.

[34:28] Ydaiber: I don’t think anybody ever hits that, because you see it, right? Like, we see it outside all the time, these people who have accomplished so much financially that you would think they’re happy, but they’re not.

[34:39] Paulette: Because financial success is not, we’ve been taught that that’s what we want, but it isn’t fulfillment. Because the other metrics of success, whether or not you are happy, are what fulfill you. Money is great. Don’t get me wrong. I am not going to tell you that money doesn’t buy happiness.

[34:57] Money buys a lot of things that are necessities, especially for women, because we pay more for everything. Mm hmm. Money is a tool. Money is a tool. I’m not ascribing any morality to money. It’s a tool that gets you places. Amassing the largest pile of hammers, a tool, does not equate happiness. So that is how you should look at your world.

[35:22] If financial success is a point you want to reach, what else is going to keep you fulfilled and happy? Because I will tell you that after a certain amount of money, it It no longer matters. I am not a rich person. I’m not. Don’t think that I am. But I know that there are feelings of safety and security that don’t change with the balance in the bank account.

[35:45] That safety and security comes from somewhere else.

[35:47] Ydaiber: Yes.

[35:48] Paulette: And money being a tool that I can use to get safety and security only takes it so far. There’s so many other things I need other than what money can buy me to feel like a fulfilled individual. And some of those things are free. Like you can have all the money in the world.

[36:09] But if you can’t breathe well, you’re in a world of hurt. Like, and we’re talking like allergy season, you know, right? Like if you are sneezing all the time and you’re miserable, like you can use the money to blow your nose.

[36:24] Ydaiber: You can buy really expensive Kleenex.

[36:26] Paulette: Yeah, but you know what I’m saying? It’s like, it is a tool. It’s not the tool for that. So financial success. Sure. Great. Strive for it. Remember that it is just one way to measure success.

[36:40] Ydaiber: And I think with that, it brings us back to all the things that we talked about today, right? It brings us back to relationships, it brings us back to curiosity, and exploring the things that we really want to do, to see what are the things that light us up, to being able to make the choices that make us feel free.

[36:56] Whatever that looks like for you, there’s no labels here. It’s just about what does that look like for you. So I want to thank you so much. This conversation was so delicious. Like we had so many good things that I’m excited to share this with the audience. You’re amazing. I’m like,

[37:11] Paulette: Oh, thank you. You’re amazing. How long did our conversation go on my podcast?

[37:18] Ydaiber: Oh yes. It was definitely past the deadline or whatever we have established as a deadline. But I’m going to ask you one more question because I love doing this with my guests and I’m like warm and funny enough or not the categories relationships. How can you show the people in your life more love?

[37:36] Paulette: Oh, yeah. This is going to sound a little backwards, but the way that I can show people love is two ways. One is loving myself so that I have the capacity to give them love in the way that they need it. Because everyone has different needs. You know, I can love you. I can, I can give you hugs. I can give you kisses, but if that’s not what you need, then what good is it?

[38:01] I can offer support, but also it’s asking for support. It’s letting people know that they are important enough to me that I can lean on you, that I want to lean on you. For example, I’m going to keep coming back to this current situation I’m in, you know, I have a husband and he’s very important to me, obviously.

[38:21] We’ve been married for 11 years, or I’m sorry, we’ve been married for eight years, we’ve been together for 11 and a half. And he has a different love language than I do, you know, he expresses himself differently than I do. I express my love for him the way that he needs it, not the way that I want to receive it.

[38:38] So, he expresses it to me the way I want to receive it, and I express it for him the way he wants to receive it. But that’s not my natural space. Like, the way, I, I’m a, I’m a very affectionate person, and sometimes he, you know, he doesn’t want PDA in public and stuff like that, okay? Okay. I respect that. But at the same time, I know I can lean on him.

[38:58] You know, as I was going through this for the last few weeks, he was there with me, holding my hand, metaphorically and physically. And I knew that I wasn’t alone. And that’s what love is. Love is recognizing that I can lean on you when I need to. My family was the same way. I was in town for my niece’s graduation.

[39:16] My whole family’s there and I’m like, I can’t make it. I’m too sick to leave this hotel room. We’ll get videos. We’ll get pictures. Don’t worry about it. We’ll zoom it if we need to. I’ve slept through the whole thing. It’s just too sick to go, but you know, that’s love. That’s love. And, um, I know that that sounds kind of transactional, but it’s not.

[39:37] It’s about just believing you can lean on your support system.

[39:41] Ydaiber: I love that. I love that. Thank you so much. And I would love to send my listeners to your podcast because there are so many cool things that you talk about. If you like this conversation, you’re going to love her podcast. So tell us about where to find you.

[39:55] Again, repeat the name of your podcast. And if you have anything else that you want to plug in, please go for it.

[40:00] Paulette: Yeah, La Vida Más Chévere de Childfree Latinas is a mouthful, so if you’re searching for it, you can just look up Paulette Erato, which is my name. That’s, all of my social medias are Paulette Erato.

[40:11] I’m at pauletterato. com. If you’re searching for the podcast in your podcast player, just look up Childfree Latinas. You’ll see my face on a pink background. And that’s the podcast. And I’d love for your listeners to chime in and let me know what, what questions they have about a childfree life, about building a life outside of the status quo.

[40:31] And, you know, I, I invite all of those conversations so that I can help you design the life you want to live.

[40:37] Ydaiber: Well, thank you. Thank you so much. I adore you and I can’t wait to see you in person again and give you a big hug. So thank you. Thank you so much.

[40:46] Thank you for listening. This episode was produced and mixed by Leo Rod and thanks to Mark West and Mark West Art for the fantastic show music.

[40:54] Before you go, I’ve got three quick favors to ask. First, hit that subscribe button. Next, if you know someone who could use a little spark in their life, share this episode with them. Just imagine that you’re spreading joy like a puppy wagging its tail. Lastly, leave a review. Every review makes me as happy as a puppy with a new chew toy.[41:13] You get it. But seriously, your support is what keeps this show going and glowing. Keep shining bright, my friend!